Posted on: December 31, 2009 4:56 pm
Edited on: December 31, 2009 4:57 pm

New Years Resolutions

These are Resolutions you should be able to keep.

1. Gain weight, at least 30pounds.

2. Stop exercising. 

3. Not to stay sober during the Super Bowl. 

4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good infomercials.

5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

6. Not date Megan Fox. 

7. Spend more time at work not working. 

8. Take a vacation to someplace important: like, the US Hockey Hall of Fame in Eveleth, MN.

9. Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

10. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

11. Not have eight children at once.

12. Quit giving autographs. 

13. Start being superstitious.

14. Stop buying IAG stock.

15. Not to fight Brock Lesnar..

16. Argue who's better, Ovechkin or Crosby.

17. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. 
     17a. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.

18. Not to cheer for the Yankees to repeat.

19. Not to wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

20. Quit golfing with Tiger Woods for moral reasons.

21. Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.

22. Not eat cloned meat.

23. Create loose ends.

24. Get more toys.

25. Get further in debt.- Sorta of a 24a.

26. Not believe politicians.

27. Break at least one traffic law.

28. Not drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

29. Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.

30. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

31. Stay off the MIR space station.

32. Stop sending game tapes of my 3 year old to college coaches.

33. Stop staulking Natalie Gulbis.

34. Not swim with pirhanas or sharks.

35. Stop associating with other Natalie Gulbis staulkers. 

36. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.

37. Wait around for opportunity.

38. Focus on the faults of others.

39. Mope about my faults.

40. Never make New Year's resolutions again.
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